Relations with parents Philip Larkin, in his poem ‘’this be the verse’’, one famously remarked, ‘’they fuck you up your mum and dad/ they mean to but they do/they fill you with faults they had/ And add some extra just for you’’. The relationship between adolescents and their parents can appear fractious. As adolescents and their begin to define their new roles and to assert them, they almost inevitably come into conflict with their parents. Adolescents and their parents tend to have similar values and attitudes towards important issues. Unless serious problems occur, family conflicts tend to be provoked by minor issues, such as messy rooms, loud music, clothes, curfews and household chores. These problems tend to Begin around the time of puberty; if puberty occurs particularly early or late, so does the conflicts.
Adolescence is said to be a time of turmoil, a period characterised by unhappiness, stress and confusion. Whereas a few adolescents are unhappy most of the time( and most are unhappy some of the time), studies have found that the vast majority of teenagers generally feel happy and self confident. But mood states do seem to be more variable during the teenage years that during other times of life. Csikszentmihalyi electronic beepers sound research randomly sampled the mood states of a group of teenage students. They gave them electronic beepers that sounded at random intervals that were, on average, two hours apart. Each time the beepers sounded, the students stopped what they were doing and filled out a questionnaire that asked what they were doing, how they felt, what they were thinking about, and so on. The investigators found that the students moods could swing from high to low and back again in the course of a few hours. The questionnaires also revealed conflicts between the participants and other family members. Although the subjects of the conflicts were usually trivial, they nevertheless concerned the teenagers deeply. As the authors noted:
Asking a boy who has spent many days practising a song on the guitar ‘ why are you playing that trash?’ might not mean much to the father, but it can be a great blow to the son. The so-called ‘growth pains’ of adolescence are no less real just because their causes appear to be without much substance to adults. In fact, this is exactly what the conflict is all about: what is to be taking seriously?
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